


I want you to be Happier (even if that's not with me)!

by FiafRex2001



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Canon Divergence - Lucifer (TV) Season 04, Chloe Decker Finds Out, Devil Face (Lucifer TV), F/M, Gen, Hurt Chloe Decker, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt No Comfort, Insecure Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Insecurity, Lucifer Feels, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, No Fluff, Protective Lucifer, Sad Chloe Decker, Sad Ending, Sad Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), So much angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24925156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiafRex2001/pseuds/FiafRex2001
Summary: What if Lucifer didn't think himself worthy of Chloe...to such an extent that he decided to push her away?What if Chloe couldn't fix his broken and tortured mind?What if Deckerstar...was just a name?
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, God & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	I want you to be Happier (even if that's not with me)!

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!-There is no fluff or comfort in this story...just angst.
> 
> Believe me, I didn't want to write this at all, but a part of me wanted to.
> 
> And that part won....
> 
> Enjoy (if you can).

**_I want you to be happier (even if that's not with me)!_ **

_No, Lucifer..._

_I'm sorry Detective!_

_You can't just..._

_I must!_

_No...please no..._

_Don't make this harder than it already is!_

_Please!_

_I-I-I can't...._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Lucifer woke up in a cold sweat. He was used to nightmares but...this one involved her.

And the scary part was-he believed it.

"Gah!", with a roar, Lucifer threw his blanket to the side and got up...he needed some air.

Walking to the balcony, he thought about everything the Detective had told him.

" _You're a good man, Lucifer. You are not the Devil...not to me...never to me"._

With his eyes stinging, Lucifer looked up at the sky...looking straight at the one place that had denied him everything...even after eons of hurt and neglect, he was still denied, a chance at true happiness.

And the fact that he agreed...that a part of him, knew all along that he didn't deserve Chloe...that part was slowly but steadily eating him up.

"DAD!", Lucifer screamed, eyes flashing red, "Is this a part of your bloody game? Am I nothing more than a pawn...used for fulfilling your wishes and tossed aside like a piece of garbage. Is my present suffering not enough for you? I-I...what if I don't want to play your game anymore,hmm? Maybe I want to be my own man...be with...", he stuttered.

He took a deep breath, this was going to hurt...but then, the image of Chloe and the urchin floated in front of him.

"Dad", his voice was a lot lower now, almost akin to a guilty person, making a confession, "I will go...I will leave her and everyone else...I will go back to hell-be your servant, whatever...but please, Dad", tears streaming down his face, he continued, " Keep them safe...I'll leave all my money behind-for them....but please dad, make this final deal! Me, in exchange for the Detective, the Urchin, the Doctor, the Douche, Miss Lopez...even Amenadiel and Maze....", he gasped, unable to hold in his emotions anymore, "Please...dad!".

And when the Devil, kneeling on his floor, felt a warm breeze touch his face, almost...lovingly.

He knew.

"Thank you, Father".

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say Chloe was nervous, would be putting it lightly.

She was terrified.

She had spent many a wine bottle, and ice cream cups on it....she had thought about it late into the night.

She was finally going to tell Lucifer how she felt about him.

He was coming over for dinner tonight, Trixie was at Dan's...and after making some last minute adjustments to her home and herself, she was ready.

When Lucifer finally arrived...both of them felt very different emotions when they looked at each other for the first time, that night.

Chloe's breath hitched in her throat...Lucifer was dressed impeccably, a red shirt underneath a midnight black blazer and a white pocket-square. He was every bit the temptation that he was known to be...and Chloe's brain short circuted.

Lucifer on the other hand, couldn't care less about what Chloe looked like, he looked at her with so much intensity that Chloe blushed. He was trying to memorize every single crevice and detail on her face...so that he would have something to keep him warm, in those long, cold, tortourous milennia, he was going to spend in hell.

He knew he had to enjoy this final meeting with her.

But he wasn't sure...he could.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Listen, Lucifer- I-I have something to say to you", Chloe fidgeted with her dress as she looked at Lucifer.

After a lovely dinner and a few glasses of wine, Chloe felt brave enough to confront Lucifer.

"Well...I have something to say too", Lucifer started, "But please...go on!".

Chloe took a deep breath, "Well...I am not sure how to say this, but I-I....ugh, this is hard", Lucifer laid a comforting hand on hers, silently, "I-I...you know we have been dancing around each other for such a long time and I-I don't want to do this anymore", at Lucifer's raised eyebrows, she hastened to correct herself.

"What I mean to say is...".

"I love you, Lucifer Morningstar...always have, just took me a long time t-t-to say it", she was blushing fiercely now.

Lucifer felt like he was falling again...his heart was screaming at him to kiss Chloe senseless and tell her that he felt the same for a long time....that he didn't care if his reputation took a hit, he would only want and desire Chloe to the end of times...that he wanted her in his life, for as long as she could...that he-that...

He loved her.

But he couldn't...because of a promise he had made...not to his father...but to her.

"YOU ALWAYS COME FIRST...ALWAYS!".

So he took his heart and all the feelings he had for her, and pushed it back- way back, to a corner of his mind, wherein he kept it in a box, that would give him strength, when he was down...that would give him a reason to keep living and not fade away...that would give him an incentive to keep fighting.

A box that he would open every single day...till the end of times.

But for now...he had to break her heart...break it so much so, that everytime she thought of him (if she ever did)...she would be filled with hate- enough to allow her to move on.

"Well...", Lucifer chocked, "That's a shame...isn't it".

"What?", Chloe's voice was reduced to a whine now.

And for the first time in his immortal life, Lucifer lied.

"I am not in love with you, though", he forced out the words...hoping and praying she wouldn't look deeper and sense the war going on inside him.

But she did.

"Bullshit".

Lucifer looked at her, bemused, "I-what?".

"Bullshit, Lucifer", Chloe's eyes were filling up with tears, but they weren't from hate...more from sympathy and hurt.

"Lucifer....you still don't think yourself worthy of me, do you?", at Lucifer's silent expression she continued," Well...let me tell you, what I deserve and want is a man who loves me, loves my daughter even though he doesn't say it...a man who puts aside his wants and desires, for me is a man who deserves to be loved....a man who's good to a fault...a man who hides behind his walls, because he's too afraid to be hurt again", she laid a tentative hand on Lucifer's cheek, seeing him leaning to the touch, she continued, "And that man...is you, Lucifer Morningstar...You are worthy of being loved...of being cherished...please let me do that".

Lucifer wanted this so bad.

He wanted this more than the want of free will that caused him to rebel.

But he wouldn't be able to live with himself...if something happened to the wonderful, amazing woman sitting beside him.

Who had laid out her heart in front of him.

But he would be able to go through the worst of tortures...if it assured her safety.

So he took her heart...and gave it back to her.

"Sorry, detective...but I can't", he got up...he had to get out of here-before he surrendered.

"Lucifer", Chloe's voice was so tantalizing.

But for the devil...she was the one thing he wanted more than anything else in this world...but like everything he had ever wanted, he had to let it go.

But this time, it was for her.

Always for her.

"Goodbye Detective!".

"No, Lucifer..."

"I'm sorry Detective!"

"You can't think...."

"I must!"

"No...please no..."

"Don't make this harder than it already is!"

"Please!"

"I-I-I can't...."

"WHY???", Chloe's scream stopped him in his tracks...that scream, that-that was despair.

"Why are you doing this? I know I'm not your type...I know I'm not a supermodel...but Lucifer...I know you feel something for me-can't we...".

"Yes"

Chloe stuttered, "Yes?".

"Yes."

Lucifer would hate himself for eternity, the moment he saw Chloe's face lighting up- he knew she had misinterpreted her words.

"Yes...you're not my type", he chocked out the words and stood there, waiting for her response.

"Oh", Chloe's resigned voice, took his heart that he thought couldn't be broken anymore...and put it through a mixer.

"Well...I-I..", Chloe buried her face in her hands, as her voice shook with silent sobs.

And then she looked at him, determination shining in her watery eyes.

And he knew...he knew she wouldn't stop loving him even if he hurt her...that she wouldn't move on...that she wouldn't stop feeling for him.

And he wanted her to be happy...even if he wasn't.

He wanted her to be safe...even if he was gone.

So he had to do it.

Even if it killed him.

"You know why I don't love you", he drew himself up to his full height and loomed over her.

And for the first time in her life, Chloe felt afraid of Lucifer.

"Because I-I am not who you think I am!".

And Lucifer brought forth his devil face.

Chloe's face went pale, and she started shaking.

But Lucifer wanted to make sure she hated him....even if his love for her, was getting in the way...so he made his eyes burst aflame.

Chloe's scream would haunt him every second of his life...as she scrambled to get back.

Suddenly her eyes rolled over in her head, but before she could hit the ground, Lucifer caught her, in a gentle embrace...devil visage gone.

With unimaginable tenderness he laid her on her couch, covered her with a blanket....and gently kissed her forehead.

"Gooodbye Detective", he whispered, voice hoarse, "I will love you till the end of times".

Before leaving Lucifer texted Maze.

L-Mazikeen...I want you to check on Chloe a few minutes from now.

M-Why?

L-Just do it.

L-And make sure you ridicule me and berate me in front of her.

M-LMAO!

M-Willingly!

L-Thank you!

M-Wait...you're serious.

M- WTF...Lucifer?

M-Lucifer?

M-LUCIFER?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later, in the deserted penthouse, Lucifer's forgotten phone lay in the dust, discharged and broken.

But if someone were to fix it, and look through the messages they would find this-

C-Lucifer...Please come back.

C-I don't care if you're the devil or not

C- I want you back!

C-Please Lucifer!

C-Everyone's worried about you...I'm sorry for the way I reacted...I'm sorry

C-Please come back...I love you. 

200 missed calls.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> The chapter title is inspired from the song HAPPIER by Marshmallow and Bastille
> 
> Let me know if you think this worked well as a one shot or another chapter is needed.


End file.
